Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Inevitable Consequence of PC hand-holding.
The MCG tried, predictably unsuccessfully, to ban the Mexican wave at the cricket this summer. Apart from the fact that this is absolute lunacy, completely lacking in logic, as Billy Birmingham's Bill Lawry would say, I think the approach the ground authorities used to approach the perceived problem was completely wrong.
Their theory is that during Mexican waves, people throw things up in the air, and due to health and safety laws and the ensuing obligations on the ground authorities to take reasonable steps to prevent injury to patrons etc. they are obliged to stamp out the practice.
Well - when I was a kid I went to the cricket. I have wonderful memories of days in the sun on the Terraces collecting empty beer cans, and especially the tear tabs from those beer cans, and filling a couple of cans with the tear tabs to make an maraca-esque instrument to shake in time with the chant "Hadlee - cha-cha-cha".
Years later, after the advent of the Mexican wave, suddenly beer was being sold in plastic cups and/or plastic bottles. Now I think this is where the ground authorities started going wrong. In the early days of the Mexican wave, beer was still sold in cans, but no one threw beer cans in the air. For one it was a waste of beer, but also no one wanted to be hit by a beer can. Later, late in the day some fools, often the drunken ones, would throw beer cans, and as well as being singled out by the security thugs the people around them usually had a go at them too - no one wanted to be hit on the head by a full or partly full beer can. However, once the beer was sold in plastic bottles EVERYONE though "Woohoo, these empty plastic bottles are just BEGGING to be thrown in the air during a Mexican wave. It's destiny."
I was at the MCG a few years ago in the top deck of the now gone Ponsford Stand. The Mexican wave that day was a thing of beauty. It stopped play. For quite some time. It did 25 laps of the MCG without interruption. The players left the field and Shane Warne came out with a helmet on, ostensibly to try and calm the crowd down but he obviously had the opposite effect and egged them on.
The wave that day was fun. A lot of fun. It was almost as much fun as the cricket and no one near me minded in the least when the play stopped and the players left the field.
But some people threw beer, and pies, and some bottles apparently had urine in them. And some people complained about being hit by projectiles.
And the PC brigade responded by making the containers softer and with no sharp corners, and reducing the alcohol content of the beer etc.
What they SHOULD have done is started selling beer in glass bottles. If you give people at the cricket, in the sun, soft plastic bottles they WILL throw them. Because it's fun. And the more you try to stop them the more they will want to throw them. Take away the plastic bottles however, and give them glass bottles and NO ONE will stand by while some lout nearby tosses a glass bottle in the air. When someone throws a full plastic bottle, most people won't stop them because they'll be seen as a spoil sport or a busy body, but no one would hesitate to step in if they saw someone throw a glass bottle...
Now the PC brigade will say "But if you sell it in glass, people will knock them over and then you will have glass on the ground and little kiddies will cut their feet." Well, firstly, provide bins, and employ the kids you employ to sell beer and ice creams to empty the bins regularly, and people will put the glass bottles in the bins. Secondly, if glass bottle do get knocked over, the kids could use it as a damn good learning experience to be careful and watch where they were putting their feet... I managed to cope as a kid with broken glass, so why can't they?"
The solution is to force people to take responsibility for their actions NOT to try and use the soft kid gloves to make everything 100% safe for them.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
The Trauma of Multi-Blade Razors
Today was the day I left my trusty twin bladed Schick FX Diamond Tipped flexi-blade razor with microfins and a lubricating strip behind and extremely reluctantly stepped into the world of three bladed razors. I did not do this of my own free will. No siree Bob! I have steadfastly refused, on principle, to buy a three (or even four or five!!! bladed razor), because for years we were fed twin bladed razor adverts with animations showing the first blade picking up the whisker and lifting it, and the second blade subsequently cutting the whisker and the whisker then sinking down BELOW the level of the skin.
Then three bladed razors came out, and the animation now showed the first bladed picking up the whisker and the second blade now mysteriously NOT cutting through it, but picking it up still further, and then the third blade cutting through the whisker, which then sunk down below the level of the skin.
Now my position is either they were lying to us back when they fed us the twin bladed animation, or they were lying to us now with the three bladed animation, but either way they were lying. The second blade doesn't suddenly change it's behaviour due to the appearance of the new third blade... surely?
Unfortunately I have been FORCED into buying a three bladed razor, because everywhere has stopped stocking my trusty Schick FX diamond tipped flaxi-blades with microfins and a lubricating strip. *mutter mutter mutter*. Worse, the new ad for the Schick Quatro vibrating razor asks you if you have ever desired more stimulation whilst you shave... Stimulation? Is it just me, or do other guys sit there and think "No! I've never, ever thought I wanted more stimulation while I shave!" For me, the less moving parts the better. I am concentrating damn hard on not hacking a significant chunk out of my face when I shave. More stimulation!? You're joking!? That's the LAST thing I want.
So, I could not possibly buy a battery power vibrating razor for fear that marketing wonks at Schick would interpret the sales spike as a positive indicator that mean really do sit there wishing they had more stimulation while they shaved... good grief! Furthermore, I could not buy a Gillette razor of any kind because they like to sing "Gillette - the best a man can get!" to us. Bloody hell! If a razor is the best a man can get then things really are dire here in the 21st Century aren't they?
So I bought the Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor with "patented Anti-Razor Burn Technology".
Naturally when I got it home I opened it to try it out. It has a very nice soft grip, shaves very well, lubricates, cools, and it microfins to my hearts content. It's a winner!
And guess what!? It comes with a razor hanger! Now you can stick your extra stimulation up your arse I say! A razor hanger - how cool is that!? It has a little suction-cup which you stick to the mirror, and out the back of the suction cup there is a plastic arm with a hole in it that you drop the handle of the razor through and it holds the razor when not in use!!! Now why on earth don't their adverts push the razor hanger? That's the sort of gadgetry that guys want. No more having the women folk stash your razor under the sink in the cupboard. No way! My Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor lives right there on the bottom right hand corner of the mirror thank you very much!!!
Hehehe. How easy was that? They could have overcome my steadfast refusal to upgrade years ago if they'd pushed their razor hanger...
What ever happened to the push clean bar though!? That was a quality piece of razor technology.
Then three bladed razors came out, and the animation now showed the first bladed picking up the whisker and the second blade now mysteriously NOT cutting through it, but picking it up still further, and then the third blade cutting through the whisker, which then sunk down below the level of the skin.
Now my position is either they were lying to us back when they fed us the twin bladed animation, or they were lying to us now with the three bladed animation, but either way they were lying. The second blade doesn't suddenly change it's behaviour due to the appearance of the new third blade... surely?
Unfortunately I have been FORCED into buying a three bladed razor, because everywhere has stopped stocking my trusty Schick FX diamond tipped flaxi-blades with microfins and a lubricating strip. *mutter mutter mutter*. Worse, the new ad for the Schick Quatro vibrating razor asks you if you have ever desired more stimulation whilst you shave... Stimulation? Is it just me, or do other guys sit there and think "No! I've never, ever thought I wanted more stimulation while I shave!" For me, the less moving parts the better. I am concentrating damn hard on not hacking a significant chunk out of my face when I shave. More stimulation!? You're joking!? That's the LAST thing I want.
So, I could not possibly buy a battery power vibrating razor for fear that marketing wonks at Schick would interpret the sales spike as a positive indicator that mean really do sit there wishing they had more stimulation while they shaved... good grief! Furthermore, I could not buy a Gillette razor of any kind because they like to sing "Gillette - the best a man can get!" to us. Bloody hell! If a razor is the best a man can get then things really are dire here in the 21st Century aren't they?
So I bought the Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor with "patented Anti-Razor Burn Technology".
Naturally when I got it home I opened it to try it out. It has a very nice soft grip, shaves very well, lubricates, cools, and it microfins to my hearts content. It's a winner!
And guess what!? It comes with a razor hanger! Now you can stick your extra stimulation up your arse I say! A razor hanger - how cool is that!? It has a little suction-cup which you stick to the mirror, and out the back of the suction cup there is a plastic arm with a hole in it that you drop the handle of the razor through and it holds the razor when not in use!!! Now why on earth don't their adverts push the razor hanger? That's the sort of gadgetry that guys want. No more having the women folk stash your razor under the sink in the cupboard. No way! My Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor lives right there on the bottom right hand corner of the mirror thank you very much!!!
Hehehe. How easy was that? They could have overcome my steadfast refusal to upgrade years ago if they'd pushed their razor hanger...
What ever happened to the push clean bar though!? That was a quality piece of razor technology.
