Thursday, February 01, 2007
The Trauma of Multi-Blade Razors
Today was the day I left my trusty twin bladed Schick FX Diamond Tipped flexi-blade razor with microfins and a lubricating strip behind and extremely reluctantly stepped into the world of three bladed razors. I did not do this of my own free will. No siree Bob! I have steadfastly refused, on principle, to buy a three (or even four or five!!! bladed razor), because for years we were fed twin bladed razor adverts with animations showing the first blade picking up the whisker and lifting it, and the second blade subsequently cutting the whisker and the whisker then sinking down BELOW the level of the skin.
Then three bladed razors came out, and the animation now showed the first bladed picking up the whisker and the second blade now mysteriously NOT cutting through it, but picking it up still further, and then the third blade cutting through the whisker, which then sunk down below the level of the skin.
Now my position is either they were lying to us back when they fed us the twin bladed animation, or they were lying to us now with the three bladed animation, but either way they were lying. The second blade doesn't suddenly change it's behaviour due to the appearance of the new third blade... surely?
Unfortunately I have been FORCED into buying a three bladed razor, because everywhere has stopped stocking my trusty Schick FX diamond tipped flaxi-blades with microfins and a lubricating strip. *mutter mutter mutter*. Worse, the new ad for the Schick Quatro vibrating razor asks you if you have ever desired more stimulation whilst you shave... Stimulation? Is it just me, or do other guys sit there and think "No! I've never, ever thought I wanted more stimulation while I shave!" For me, the less moving parts the better. I am concentrating damn hard on not hacking a significant chunk out of my face when I shave. More stimulation!? You're joking!? That's the LAST thing I want.
So, I could not possibly buy a battery power vibrating razor for fear that marketing wonks at Schick would interpret the sales spike as a positive indicator that mean really do sit there wishing they had more stimulation while they shaved... good grief! Furthermore, I could not buy a Gillette razor of any kind because they like to sing "Gillette - the best a man can get!" to us. Bloody hell! If a razor is the best a man can get then things really are dire here in the 21st Century aren't they?
So I bought the Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor with "patented Anti-Razor Burn Technology".
Naturally when I got it home I opened it to try it out. It has a very nice soft grip, shaves very well, lubricates, cools, and it microfins to my hearts content. It's a winner!
And guess what!? It comes with a razor hanger! Now you can stick your extra stimulation up your arse I say! A razor hanger - how cool is that!? It has a little suction-cup which you stick to the mirror, and out the back of the suction cup there is a plastic arm with a hole in it that you drop the handle of the razor through and it holds the razor when not in use!!! Now why on earth don't their adverts push the razor hanger? That's the sort of gadgetry that guys want. No more having the women folk stash your razor under the sink in the cupboard. No way! My Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor lives right there on the bottom right hand corner of the mirror thank you very much!!!
Hehehe. How easy was that? They could have overcome my steadfast refusal to upgrade years ago if they'd pushed their razor hanger...
What ever happened to the push clean bar though!? That was a quality piece of razor technology.
Then three bladed razors came out, and the animation now showed the first bladed picking up the whisker and the second blade now mysteriously NOT cutting through it, but picking it up still further, and then the third blade cutting through the whisker, which then sunk down below the level of the skin.
Now my position is either they were lying to us back when they fed us the twin bladed animation, or they were lying to us now with the three bladed animation, but either way they were lying. The second blade doesn't suddenly change it's behaviour due to the appearance of the new third blade... surely?
Unfortunately I have been FORCED into buying a three bladed razor, because everywhere has stopped stocking my trusty Schick FX diamond tipped flaxi-blades with microfins and a lubricating strip. *mutter mutter mutter*. Worse, the new ad for the Schick Quatro vibrating razor asks you if you have ever desired more stimulation whilst you shave... Stimulation? Is it just me, or do other guys sit there and think "No! I've never, ever thought I wanted more stimulation while I shave!" For me, the less moving parts the better. I am concentrating damn hard on not hacking a significant chunk out of my face when I shave. More stimulation!? You're joking!? That's the LAST thing I want.
So, I could not possibly buy a battery power vibrating razor for fear that marketing wonks at Schick would interpret the sales spike as a positive indicator that mean really do sit there wishing they had more stimulation while they shaved... good grief! Furthermore, I could not buy a Gillette razor of any kind because they like to sing "Gillette - the best a man can get!" to us. Bloody hell! If a razor is the best a man can get then things really are dire here in the 21st Century aren't they?
So I bought the Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor with "patented Anti-Razor Burn Technology".
Naturally when I got it home I opened it to try it out. It has a very nice soft grip, shaves very well, lubricates, cools, and it microfins to my hearts content. It's a winner!
And guess what!? It comes with a razor hanger! Now you can stick your extra stimulation up your arse I say! A razor hanger - how cool is that!? It has a little suction-cup which you stick to the mirror, and out the back of the suction cup there is a plastic arm with a hole in it that you drop the handle of the razor through and it holds the razor when not in use!!! Now why on earth don't their adverts push the razor hanger? That's the sort of gadgetry that guys want. No more having the women folk stash your razor under the sink in the cupboard. No way! My Schick Xtreme 3 (R) Sub Zero (TM) Cool the Burn (TM) razor lives right there on the bottom right hand corner of the mirror thank you very much!!!
Hehehe. How easy was that? They could have overcome my steadfast refusal to upgrade years ago if they'd pushed their razor hanger...
What ever happened to the push clean bar though!? That was a quality piece of razor technology.
